I hate that my emotions are fluctuating so quickly and so easily.
I told myself I was going to be okay. I'm not.
I said that I was going to focus on everything else. I haven't.
I screamed that it was all going to work out. It hasn't.
I don't know how to feel right now.
I don't know what's more upsetting, the fact that I feel so confused and hurt or that almost every sentence of this post began with "I".
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Learning to Breathe
What do you do when you need to find yourself, but part of yourself left to find himself?
It's probably pathetic to say that someone else is a piece of me. I don't mean that they complete me, but that without them, I'm gouged. I'm left without a lung. Without a vital organ.
I can go on, but I'll be temporarily disabled.
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but sometimes I find myself not breathing. I have to force my mouth open and suck in air, because I'm in shock that my body wasn't fully functioning subconsciously.
I keep telling myself that this is what we want. No scratch that. What we need. This is what I need. But not necessarily what I want.
I don't know how long this will last for. I don't know how long I will last for.
I know I'm strong. I know I'm capable of living, but currently it's a difficult task.
When did something so regular and routine become so hard to grasp on. I guess I did tighten my hold and still found nothing once I opened my hands.
It's all out of my control and I guess that's what scares me the most. A part of me feels abandoned, alone, exhilarated, scared, so scared, unprepared...
All of this is consuming me. Drowning me. Making me feel like I'm breathing through a straw.
It's not just emotional. It's taken a toll on me physically.
My heart aches and my lungs aren't working properly.
Love.
It's probably pathetic to say that someone else is a piece of me. I don't mean that they complete me, but that without them, I'm gouged. I'm left without a lung. Without a vital organ.
I can go on, but I'll be temporarily disabled.
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but sometimes I find myself not breathing. I have to force my mouth open and suck in air, because I'm in shock that my body wasn't fully functioning subconsciously.
I keep telling myself that this is what we want. No scratch that. What we need. This is what I need. But not necessarily what I want.
I don't know how long this will last for. I don't know how long I will last for.
I know I'm strong. I know I'm capable of living, but currently it's a difficult task.
When did something so regular and routine become so hard to grasp on. I guess I did tighten my hold and still found nothing once I opened my hands.
It's all out of my control and I guess that's what scares me the most. A part of me feels abandoned, alone, exhilarated, scared, so scared, unprepared...
All of this is consuming me. Drowning me. Making me feel like I'm breathing through a straw.
It's not just emotional. It's taken a toll on me physically.
My heart aches and my lungs aren't working properly.
Love.
Monday, August 10, 2009
In A Daze
What am I doing with my life?
I want to be done with school.
I want the adventure to begin.
I'm so tired.
I want to be done with school.
I want the adventure to begin.
I'm so tired.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Sting
My eyes are stinging.
You know how after you've cried for a good amount of time, your eyes have this burning sensation and they feel swollen?
That's exactly how mine feel.
Maybe my tears are invisible.
You know how after you've cried for a good amount of time, your eyes have this burning sensation and they feel swollen?
That's exactly how mine feel.
Maybe my tears are invisible.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Animal Channel
Perhaps I should just post my ridiculous life-like terrifying nightmares.
Here's last night's.
They're very symbolic, I think.
I awake in my new surroundings. This house is not my home, nor is it anywhere close to recognizable. Suddenly, I’m aware that something is wrong. I go to where everyone is gathered; my front door. There are cops there as well, examining the issue. There are nails jaggedly pierced in the wooden door. It looks as if someone took a gun loaded with nails and shot randomly at the entry. There is also a butter knife through the peephole. Glass is shattered everywhere. I feel violated and fearful for a place that I don’t even know. I walk outside with my friend, Amanda, and realize that this house, this house that I know not of except for that it’s mine, is plotted within a prison yard. I look around at the convicts dressed in eccentric orange and the frightened guards and finally comprehend that it’s probable that no one knows of this place. The aged men in the jumpsuits have a look in their eyes that only explain that they are deprived of any necessity. I grasp the reality of how dangerous the situation is. My house is within the confines of a prison, a prison that no one is aware of.
Abruptly, I hear screams. Amanda and I turn our heads in the direction of the yelps and see a short, naked, chubby, African-American woman not too far from us clawing at the ground. It’s painful to see the image. There are tattoos on her arm and leg. She is struggling underneath a convict whose eyes are racing with adrenaline. It’s like watching the Animal Channel where a lion is on the hunt for the weakened elk. A guard is already trying to advance to help the poor out-of-place woman. Amanda and I are eyeing this scene in horror. The man who is overcome with his inner desires unexpectedly starts laughing and yelling in a raw voice. The other convicts suddenly look toward him in surprise as if they didn’t know the situation was happening only feet away from them. I look closer and see that there is blood everywhere. It seems to be coming from the struggling woman. I have this dead feeling that she isn’t going to survive. The scent of her blood is making all of the other convicts excited. I see their eyes changing before me. They all begin to press forward. The guard tries to help and I see Amanda pick up a wrap of electrical cords. I didn’t notice until now that they seem to be hooked up to these cords that she’s grabbing a hold of. I now understand her actions. She’s holding the cords to hold back the convicts that are rushing toward the woman. I also pick some up and most of them turn to look toward us. They give us vicious stares but don’t do anything.
Their reaction shocks me. We’re unsecured young women, there are hardly any guards to stop them and yet they back away; still eyeing the wounded woman.
I then wake up.
Here's last night's.
They're very symbolic, I think.
I awake in my new surroundings. This house is not my home, nor is it anywhere close to recognizable. Suddenly, I’m aware that something is wrong. I go to where everyone is gathered; my front door. There are cops there as well, examining the issue. There are nails jaggedly pierced in the wooden door. It looks as if someone took a gun loaded with nails and shot randomly at the entry. There is also a butter knife through the peephole. Glass is shattered everywhere. I feel violated and fearful for a place that I don’t even know. I walk outside with my friend, Amanda, and realize that this house, this house that I know not of except for that it’s mine, is plotted within a prison yard. I look around at the convicts dressed in eccentric orange and the frightened guards and finally comprehend that it’s probable that no one knows of this place. The aged men in the jumpsuits have a look in their eyes that only explain that they are deprived of any necessity. I grasp the reality of how dangerous the situation is. My house is within the confines of a prison, a prison that no one is aware of.
Abruptly, I hear screams. Amanda and I turn our heads in the direction of the yelps and see a short, naked, chubby, African-American woman not too far from us clawing at the ground. It’s painful to see the image. There are tattoos on her arm and leg. She is struggling underneath a convict whose eyes are racing with adrenaline. It’s like watching the Animal Channel where a lion is on the hunt for the weakened elk. A guard is already trying to advance to help the poor out-of-place woman. Amanda and I are eyeing this scene in horror. The man who is overcome with his inner desires unexpectedly starts laughing and yelling in a raw voice. The other convicts suddenly look toward him in surprise as if they didn’t know the situation was happening only feet away from them. I look closer and see that there is blood everywhere. It seems to be coming from the struggling woman. I have this dead feeling that she isn’t going to survive. The scent of her blood is making all of the other convicts excited. I see their eyes changing before me. They all begin to press forward. The guard tries to help and I see Amanda pick up a wrap of electrical cords. I didn’t notice until now that they seem to be hooked up to these cords that she’s grabbing a hold of. I now understand her actions. She’s holding the cords to hold back the convicts that are rushing toward the woman. I also pick some up and most of them turn to look toward us. They give us vicious stares but don’t do anything.
Their reaction shocks me. We’re unsecured young women, there are hardly any guards to stop them and yet they back away; still eyeing the wounded woman.
I then wake up.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Not As In The Disease
I feel a little ridiculous.
In the last couple of hours, I've been able to work out and yet come home to enjoy the company of two friends:
Ben & Jerry.
I kind of just canceled them out, I guess.
I'm rather compulsive. If I want something, I don't think about results or consequences, I just do it. It's terrible actually.
Any who. Different subject.
I feel like I have different worlds or realms that I tend to lose myself in.
1. There's this dance floor and I'm the only one on it. Or there are multiple people around me. I'm losing myself in the music and all that can speak for me is my body.
2. All there is a dark corner and all I can do is wallow.
3. I'm basking in the warmth of the sun. There's nothing that can keep me down.
4. I'm walking down a red carpet and all eyes are on me.
5. I'm stuck in my bedroom listening to these seriously annoyingly loud people upstairs.
Oh wait. That last one is actually happening.
Maybe it's just bi-polar disorder.
I hear that cancer's tend are more prone to having that kind of illness (what with all the changing moods and emotions).
Cancer as in the astrological sign.
Some think it's bogus. I think it's kind of rad.
I'm too tired to think.
Later,
F@ith.
In the last couple of hours, I've been able to work out and yet come home to enjoy the company of two friends:
Ben & Jerry.
I kind of just canceled them out, I guess.
I'm rather compulsive. If I want something, I don't think about results or consequences, I just do it. It's terrible actually.
Any who. Different subject.
I feel like I have different worlds or realms that I tend to lose myself in.
1. There's this dance floor and I'm the only one on it. Or there are multiple people around me. I'm losing myself in the music and all that can speak for me is my body.
2. All there is a dark corner and all I can do is wallow.
3. I'm basking in the warmth of the sun. There's nothing that can keep me down.
4. I'm walking down a red carpet and all eyes are on me.
5. I'm stuck in my bedroom listening to these seriously annoyingly loud people upstairs.
Oh wait. That last one is actually happening.
Maybe it's just bi-polar disorder.
I hear that cancer's tend are more prone to having that kind of illness (what with all the changing moods and emotions).
Cancer as in the astrological sign.
Some think it's bogus. I think it's kind of rad.
I'm too tired to think.
Later,
F@ith.
Friday, July 3, 2009
My Bucket List
I think I'm getting back to where I want to be.
I've quit bad habits (well...most of them anyways), I'm writing a lot more (still not my most amazing work), I'm speaking my mind (to people who will listen) and making better decisions (sorta).
Baby steps, right?
I think I'm at a point in my life, where I question everything. I'm a junior in college. That statement rattles my brain a little. I'm pretty sure last time I checked I was just starting high school. Too many things are happening abnormally fast. Where did my childhood go?
(So basically there was a three hour intermission and I don't have the slightest clue where I was headed before...so on to new subjects!)
I've decided I want a new ambition list. Things that I will write down and then probably forget and be really upset with myself once I see it again and realize how much I actually did get done. That was a really long run-on.
Let the list begin!
My New Ambitions:
1. Marriage is not until after college, after a successful career and after I've done all that I can as a single woman.
2. Visit as many countries as possible. (These are mandatory: Australia, Egypt, Greece, Peru and Japan)
3. I must live in, at least, five different cities.
4. Try being a temp for three months.
5. Write a novel and try to publish it.
6. Fall madly and deeply in love more than once. (Even if the other person doesn't know) (No stalking)
7. Live in Los Angeles for a year and audition for every casting call (This city can be included for number three of this list)
8. Buy something ridiculously expensive.
9. Skydive
10. Get over your fear of sharks and snakes
11. Learn how to play an instrument (Nothing lame like the flute)
12. Sing karaoke (in front of actual people)
13. Get stupidly drunk in Vegas, but refrain from getting hitched
14. Coach some little league team
15. Plant a garden (Don't give up after a week either)
16. Have kids (or adopt) (or both)
17. Paint something you can actually hang and not be ashamed of
18. Tell someone off for their innate actions and then hug them
19. Design a dress and make it
20. Actually accomplish half of this list and do not whine.
I will probably add to this list as I continue writing in this blog.
There's too much in this world that I want to experience and achieve.
F@ith.
I've quit bad habits (well...most of them anyways), I'm writing a lot more (still not my most amazing work), I'm speaking my mind (to people who will listen) and making better decisions (sorta).
Baby steps, right?
I think I'm at a point in my life, where I question everything. I'm a junior in college. That statement rattles my brain a little. I'm pretty sure last time I checked I was just starting high school. Too many things are happening abnormally fast. Where did my childhood go?
(So basically there was a three hour intermission and I don't have the slightest clue where I was headed before...so on to new subjects!)
I've decided I want a new ambition list. Things that I will write down and then probably forget and be really upset with myself once I see it again and realize how much I actually did get done. That was a really long run-on.
Let the list begin!
My New Ambitions:
1. Marriage is not until after college, after a successful career and after I've done all that I can as a single woman.
2. Visit as many countries as possible. (These are mandatory: Australia, Egypt, Greece, Peru and Japan)
3. I must live in, at least, five different cities.
4. Try being a temp for three months.
5. Write a novel and try to publish it.
6. Fall madly and deeply in love more than once. (Even if the other person doesn't know) (No stalking)
7. Live in Los Angeles for a year and audition for every casting call (This city can be included for number three of this list)
8. Buy something ridiculously expensive.
9. Skydive
10. Get over your fear of sharks and snakes
11. Learn how to play an instrument (Nothing lame like the flute)
12. Sing karaoke (in front of actual people)
13. Get stupidly drunk in Vegas, but refrain from getting hitched
14. Coach some little league team
15. Plant a garden (Don't give up after a week either)
16. Have kids (or adopt) (or both)
17. Paint something you can actually hang and not be ashamed of
18. Tell someone off for their innate actions and then hug them
19. Design a dress and make it
20. Actually accomplish half of this list and do not whine.
I will probably add to this list as I continue writing in this blog.
There's too much in this world that I want to experience and achieve.
F@ith.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Death to the Loud Orangutans.
My eyelids are heavy.
I've heard that women are more prone to having sleeping disorders.
I find myself in this exact position each night. I'm always listening to music and writing.
It's hard to fall asleep when your upstairs neighbors are stomping around or playing one wild game of twister. Wish I could join them.
Have you ever felt exhausted but found you haven't even accomplished anything in a while? I have a million things I need to get done and yet somehow with all the time that I have, I don't finish them.
Did I mention my neighbors are loud orangutans?
I feel like I can't sleep until I get all of this out of my system. My heart actually aches. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. It's all new to me.
Just a side note:
You know what I'd be exceptionally great at? Creating plotlines and characters for sappy romance movies. I never realized, but I'm a diehard hopeless romantic.
Which doesn't really make sense, because right now I'm not even sure I believe in the idea of marriage.
Or perhaps it makes perfect sense, because what if I'm rooting for finding that one person who makes your outlook on life clear and understandable? What if I'm just waiting for that one person who doesn't complete you, but is able to compliment the person you already are? What if all we need is continuous passion and laughter? What if I'm not okay with the idea of settling down with one person, because there will be uncertainty of whether or not it'll lead to heartbreak and deception?
I just reread all of this and I can't even figure myself out. Maybe I'm too tired to even grasp any kind of intelligent concept. I'm not able to even comprehend my own opinions and make sense of them.
I'm going to try and get sleep. This is ridiculous.
F@ith.
OMG. I'm going to get a broom and pound on the roof until they quit it!!!!
I've heard that women are more prone to having sleeping disorders.
I find myself in this exact position each night. I'm always listening to music and writing.
It's hard to fall asleep when your upstairs neighbors are stomping around or playing one wild game of twister. Wish I could join them.
Have you ever felt exhausted but found you haven't even accomplished anything in a while? I have a million things I need to get done and yet somehow with all the time that I have, I don't finish them.
Did I mention my neighbors are loud orangutans?
I feel like I can't sleep until I get all of this out of my system. My heart actually aches. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. It's all new to me.
Just a side note:
You know what I'd be exceptionally great at? Creating plotlines and characters for sappy romance movies. I never realized, but I'm a diehard hopeless romantic.
Which doesn't really make sense, because right now I'm not even sure I believe in the idea of marriage.
Or perhaps it makes perfect sense, because what if I'm rooting for finding that one person who makes your outlook on life clear and understandable? What if I'm just waiting for that one person who doesn't complete you, but is able to compliment the person you already are? What if all we need is continuous passion and laughter? What if I'm not okay with the idea of settling down with one person, because there will be uncertainty of whether or not it'll lead to heartbreak and deception?
I just reread all of this and I can't even figure myself out. Maybe I'm too tired to even grasp any kind of intelligent concept. I'm not able to even comprehend my own opinions and make sense of them.
I'm going to try and get sleep. This is ridiculous.
F@ith.
OMG. I'm going to get a broom and pound on the roof until they quit it!!!!
Wrong and Right?
I'm confused.
Actually really confused.
Perhaps I'm just creating these signs that I'm seeing.
This tension.
Maybe it's just the fact that it's unknown area. Something I'm not familiar with.
I'm in awe.
I'm a little scared.
I shouldn't be feeling this way.
Actually really confused.
Perhaps I'm just creating these signs that I'm seeing.
This tension.
Maybe it's just the fact that it's unknown area. Something I'm not familiar with.
I'm in awe.
I'm a little scared.
I shouldn't be feeling this way.
Love Again.
Okay so this next statement will probably ward off readers, if I had any in the first place.
I just watched He's Just Not That Into You.
Talk about heartwrenching and stressful. I've never been on such a emotional rollercoaster. If you haven't seen it, it's basically a connection of people who have stories of love, not wanting to settle, misunderstandings..etc.
I think what got under my skin (as well as Lucy's) was that we had been through those experiences and we're probably going to be seeing these kinds of situations in the future. The mind games and rules when it comes to dating, the unsettling feeling of settling, the wonder of whether or not you'll fall in love with "the one".
I know it's bogus to a lot of people, but everyone else is consumed within this game. It's like you are either too straightforward and come off too strong, or you're playing these ridiculous cat and mouse games and won't get anywhere. There's never a decent middle or at least from what I know.
Truthfully, I understand this is just a movie, but aren't movies just representations of reality (I mean they should be). There are sometimes happy endings (rarely), and there is the heartbreak and the process of moving on.
More and more each day, I find myself thinking about marriage. Thinking that maybe it's just not for everyone. Especially someone so indecisive as I. The idea of forever is overwhelming. What if one day you find yourself in a 20+ year marriage and suddenly meet someone who is absolutely perfect and instantly understands you...and makes you feel...
As Drew Barrymore says in the movie, "What if you meet the love of your life, are you supposed to let them pass you by?"
It's just too much to think about. Maybe I just need to live and let things come as they go. Then again, I am Faith Hill and I don't usually just stand by. I have to take action and obviously...ramble like a crazy person...
F@ith.
I just watched He's Just Not That Into You.
Talk about heartwrenching and stressful. I've never been on such a emotional rollercoaster. If you haven't seen it, it's basically a connection of people who have stories of love, not wanting to settle, misunderstandings..etc.
I think what got under my skin (as well as Lucy's) was that we had been through those experiences and we're probably going to be seeing these kinds of situations in the future. The mind games and rules when it comes to dating, the unsettling feeling of settling, the wonder of whether or not you'll fall in love with "the one".
I know it's bogus to a lot of people, but everyone else is consumed within this game. It's like you are either too straightforward and come off too strong, or you're playing these ridiculous cat and mouse games and won't get anywhere. There's never a decent middle or at least from what I know.
Truthfully, I understand this is just a movie, but aren't movies just representations of reality (I mean they should be). There are sometimes happy endings (rarely), and there is the heartbreak and the process of moving on.
More and more each day, I find myself thinking about marriage. Thinking that maybe it's just not for everyone. Especially someone so indecisive as I. The idea of forever is overwhelming. What if one day you find yourself in a 20+ year marriage and suddenly meet someone who is absolutely perfect and instantly understands you...and makes you feel...
As Drew Barrymore says in the movie, "What if you meet the love of your life, are you supposed to let them pass you by?"
It's just too much to think about. Maybe I just need to live and let things come as they go. Then again, I am Faith Hill and I don't usually just stand by. I have to take action and obviously...ramble like a crazy person...
F@ith.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Forever?
I just googled "100 Topics to Blog About".
Not only was it absolutely useless, but I learned about the always exciting process of marketers blogging for their companies.
Today I think I will write about the life of a single person.
Although I may not be an expert (I actually have not been single for more than two years), but when I was single, I thought I was pretty darn good at it.
Lately, I've been listening to the pains and throes of my single friends and I don't really empathize simply because I haven't been in their position for a long time. These ordeals of dating and the single life are usually senseless and insignificant, but many are consumed by the downfalls of either being alone or spending the rest of their life with one person.
As Samuel Vill states:
"When you're single...you think a lot."
"There is a difference between people who are single and want a relationship and those who are single and sleep around (and enjoy it)."
I think there are always certain conflicts when it comes to either being single or in a relationship. Or perhaps it's just me. I'm easily bored and like to be kept on my toes. The single life was always fun (meeting people, flirting shamelessly, feeling incredibly free), but at the same time I missed the comfort and security of a relationship. I missed being able to just finish my day and if it was terrible, having someone to be there; a solid rock within the turbulent storm.
Once you are in said relationship and you're finished with all the flirting, it's a question of whether or not that one person is fit for the rest of your life. It's quite a scary thought; the word "forever". I guess at least for those who simply are not ready.
I guess I'm still a work in progress...
(I'll continue this later)
F@ith.
Not only was it absolutely useless, but I learned about the always exciting process of marketers blogging for their companies.
Today I think I will write about the life of a single person.
Although I may not be an expert (I actually have not been single for more than two years), but when I was single, I thought I was pretty darn good at it.
Lately, I've been listening to the pains and throes of my single friends and I don't really empathize simply because I haven't been in their position for a long time. These ordeals of dating and the single life are usually senseless and insignificant, but many are consumed by the downfalls of either being alone or spending the rest of their life with one person.
As Samuel Vill states:
"When you're single...you think a lot."
"There is a difference between people who are single and want a relationship and those who are single and sleep around (and enjoy it)."
I think there are always certain conflicts when it comes to either being single or in a relationship. Or perhaps it's just me. I'm easily bored and like to be kept on my toes. The single life was always fun (meeting people, flirting shamelessly, feeling incredibly free), but at the same time I missed the comfort and security of a relationship. I missed being able to just finish my day and if it was terrible, having someone to be there; a solid rock within the turbulent storm.
Once you are in said relationship and you're finished with all the flirting, it's a question of whether or not that one person is fit for the rest of your life. It's quite a scary thought; the word "forever". I guess at least for those who simply are not ready.
I guess I'm still a work in progress...
(I'll continue this later)
F@ith.
Monday, June 29, 2009
In These Twenty Years
One of the biggest issues I had when I was younger was that I pretended that my life followed the plot line of The Truman Show. I said and did things that were lines I had heard off of sitcoms. Now, I'm sure this would seem endearing and quite adorable to an onlooker, but I think this was worse than my spouts of kleptomania and compulsive lying.
I lived a life where I felt I was being watched and gave off a facade that wasn't completely me.
Okay so maybe the klepto and liar in me wasn't any better...
Any who, I just reminisced about my childhood and realized how much I've changed in the past twenty years. I've kept some friends (just the good ones), tossed a few (unintentionally and sometimes intentionally), became a terrible liar, rebelled against my parents (a lot), raised my awareness of the world around me, formed my own political ideas, questioned religion, broke hearts, had my heart broken, felt immense pain (physically and emotionally), made independent choices, attempted at peace with my past and family...
I don't know if a lot of people can sit down and look back on their past and truly be okay with what has happened and move toward the future, but I think I'm honestly starting to...
Goodnight for now,
F@ith
I lived a life where I felt I was being watched and gave off a facade that wasn't completely me.
Okay so maybe the klepto and liar in me wasn't any better...
Any who, I just reminisced about my childhood and realized how much I've changed in the past twenty years. I've kept some friends (just the good ones), tossed a few (unintentionally and sometimes intentionally), became a terrible liar, rebelled against my parents (a lot), raised my awareness of the world around me, formed my own political ideas, questioned religion, broke hearts, had my heart broken, felt immense pain (physically and emotionally), made independent choices, attempted at peace with my past and family...
I don't know if a lot of people can sit down and look back on their past and truly be okay with what has happened and move toward the future, but I think I'm honestly starting to...
Goodnight for now,
F@ith
Just Acquaintances
I read some other blogs today. Well, at least, the "notable" ones and I feel like my first post was just utterly pathetic. But then again, give the girl, who hasn't written a single intellectual thing for a long time, a sympathetic break. Okay?
I've come to find that diaries, journals or, in my case, blogs are like new friends. I can't really open up until I've conversed (or posted) a couple times. It's like I'm trying to scrounge up new topics or items to talk about. I guess I just need to give it time and when I really need to write...I will.
Okay so I'll start with a situation I'm currently in, but without details or specifics.
There's this peculiar tension. You know that eye lock thing a ma jig? It's weird for me after being in my current status for so long.
I hope that was unbelievably ambiguous, because I keep rereading the last couple of sentences and it all seems understandable, even from an outsider's view.
Then again, I do read into things way too easily and I over analyze conversations, glances..etc.
I've read about some dude's head exploding during a chess tournament. I'm actually surprised and somewhat amused that it hasn't happened to me yet.
F@ith.
I've come to find that diaries, journals or, in my case, blogs are like new friends. I can't really open up until I've conversed (or posted) a couple times. It's like I'm trying to scrounge up new topics or items to talk about. I guess I just need to give it time and when I really need to write...I will.
Okay so I'll start with a situation I'm currently in, but without details or specifics.
There's this peculiar tension. You know that eye lock thing a ma jig? It's weird for me after being in my current status for so long.
I hope that was unbelievably ambiguous, because I keep rereading the last couple of sentences and it all seems understandable, even from an outsider's view.
Then again, I do read into things way too easily and I over analyze conversations, glances..etc.
I've read about some dude's head exploding during a chess tournament. I'm actually surprised and somewhat amused that it hasn't happened to me yet.
F@ith.
It's That Time Again
How can one tell I'm turning a new page and starting a new chapter in my life?
By beginning to write in a new online journal.
I'm trying so desperately hard to get back at writing. As one can tell, I need to ward off cliches like "turning a new page" and "starting a new chapter". It's pretty standard for me to rely on lame phrases and banal sayings when I first start. (A thesaurus is also needed)
I need to refurbish myself. I have habits I'd like to quit, people I'd like to know better, places I need to explore, conversations that need to be had...
The list goes on and on.
I'm at a loss for words today. When I answered the phone at work this morning, this is how the conversation went:
"Thank you for using (long pause) thank you for choosing US Bank (long pause) (sigh) this is Faith (long pause)."
I don't think the person on the other line knew what to do with themselves.
I just realized that this really isn't a fabulous beginning to a new blog, but more so a list of ramblings. I was never really good at fantastic first impressions.
Let the rambling continue:
Lately, I've been questioning everything. Weird situations.
That was incredibly vague.
Maybe later I'll clarify.
F@ith.
By beginning to write in a new online journal.
I'm trying so desperately hard to get back at writing. As one can tell, I need to ward off cliches like "turning a new page" and "starting a new chapter". It's pretty standard for me to rely on lame phrases and banal sayings when I first start. (A thesaurus is also needed)
I need to refurbish myself. I have habits I'd like to quit, people I'd like to know better, places I need to explore, conversations that need to be had...
The list goes on and on.
I'm at a loss for words today. When I answered the phone at work this morning, this is how the conversation went:
"Thank you for using (long pause) thank you for choosing US Bank (long pause) (sigh) this is Faith (long pause)."
I don't think the person on the other line knew what to do with themselves.
I just realized that this really isn't a fabulous beginning to a new blog, but more so a list of ramblings. I was never really good at fantastic first impressions.
Let the rambling continue:
Lately, I've been questioning everything. Weird situations.
That was incredibly vague.
Maybe later I'll clarify.
F@ith.
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