Learning to Breathe

What do you do when you need to find yourself, but part of yourself left to find himself?

It's probably pathetic to say that someone else is a piece of me. I don't mean that they complete me, but that without them, I'm gouged. I'm left without a lung. Without a vital organ.

I can go on, but I'll be temporarily disabled.
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but sometimes I find myself not breathing. I have to force my mouth open and suck in air, because I'm in shock that my body wasn't fully functioning subconsciously.

I keep telling myself that this is what we want. No scratch that. What we need. This is what I need. But not necessarily what I want.

I don't know how long this will last for. I don't know how long I will last for.

I know I'm strong. I know I'm capable of living, but currently it's a difficult task.

When did something so regular and routine become so hard to grasp on. I guess I did tighten my hold and still found nothing once I opened my hands.

It's all out of my control and I guess that's what scares me the most. A part of me feels abandoned, alone, exhilarated, scared, so scared, unprepared...

All of this is consuming me. Drowning me. Making me feel like I'm breathing through a straw.
It's not just emotional. It's taken a toll on me physically.

My heart aches and my lungs aren't working properly.

Love.