Forever?

I just googled "100 Topics to Blog About".

Not only was it absolutely useless, but I learned about the always exciting process of marketers blogging for their companies.

Today I think I will write about the life of a single person.
Although I may not be an expert (I actually have not been single for more than two years), but when I was single, I thought I was pretty darn good at it.

Lately, I've been listening to the pains and throes of my single friends and I don't really empathize simply because I haven't been in their position for a long time. These ordeals of dating and the single life are usually senseless and insignificant, but many are consumed by the downfalls of either being alone or spending the rest of their life with one person.

As Samuel Vill states:
"When you're single...you think a lot."
"There is a difference between people who are single and want a relationship and those who are single and sleep around (and enjoy it)."

I think there are always certain conflicts when it comes to either being single or in a relationship. Or perhaps it's just me. I'm easily bored and like to be kept on my toes. The single life was always fun (meeting people, flirting shamelessly, feeling incredibly free), but at the same time I missed the comfort and security of a relationship. I missed being able to just finish my day and if it was terrible, having someone to be there; a solid rock within the turbulent storm.

Once you are in said relationship and you're finished with all the flirting, it's a question of whether or not that one person is fit for the rest of your life. It's quite a scary thought; the word "forever". I guess at least for those who simply are not ready.

I guess I'm still a work in progress...
(I'll continue this later)

F@ith.

In These Twenty Years

One of the biggest issues I had when I was younger was that I pretended that my life followed the plot line of The Truman Show. I said and did things that were lines I had heard off of sitcoms. Now, I'm sure this would seem endearing and quite adorable to an onlooker, but I think this was worse than my spouts of kleptomania and compulsive lying.
I lived a life where I felt I was being watched and gave off a facade that wasn't completely me.

Okay so maybe the klepto and liar in me wasn't any better...

Any who, I just reminisced about my childhood and realized how much I've changed in the past twenty years. I've kept some friends (just the good ones), tossed a few (unintentionally and sometimes intentionally), became a terrible liar, rebelled against my parents (a lot), raised my awareness of the world around me, formed my own political ideas, questioned religion, broke hearts, had my heart broken, felt immense pain (physically and emotionally), made independent choices, attempted at peace with my past and family...

I don't know if a lot of people can sit down and look back on their past and truly be okay with what has happened and move toward the future, but I think I'm honestly starting to...

Goodnight for now,
F@ith

Just Acquaintances

I read some other blogs today. Well, at least, the "notable" ones and I feel like my first post was just utterly pathetic. But then again, give the girl, who hasn't written a single intellectual thing for a long time, a sympathetic break. Okay?

I've come to find that diaries, journals or, in my case, blogs are like new friends. I can't really open up until I've conversed (or posted) a couple times. It's like I'm trying to scrounge up new topics or items to talk about. I guess I just need to give it time and when I really need to write...I will.

Okay so I'll start with a situation I'm currently in, but without details or specifics.
There's this peculiar tension. You know that eye lock thing a ma jig? It's weird for me after being in my current status for so long.

I hope that was unbelievably ambiguous, because I keep rereading the last couple of sentences and it all seems understandable, even from an outsider's view.

Then again, I do read into things way too easily and I over analyze conversations, glances..etc.
I've read about some dude's head exploding during a chess tournament. I'm actually surprised and somewhat amused that it hasn't happened to me yet.

F@ith.

It's That Time Again

How can one tell I'm turning a new page and starting a new chapter in my life?
By beginning to write in a new online journal.

I'm trying so desperately hard to get back at writing. As one can tell, I need to ward off cliches like "turning a new page" and "starting a new chapter". It's pretty standard for me to rely on lame phrases and banal sayings when I first start. (A thesaurus is also needed)

I need to refurbish myself. I have habits I'd like to quit, people I'd like to know better, places I need to explore, conversations that need to be had...
The list goes on and on.

I'm at a loss for words today. When I answered the phone at work this morning, this is how the conversation went:

"Thank you for using (long pause) thank you for choosing US Bank (long pause) (sigh) this is Faith (long pause)."

I don't think the person on the other line knew what to do with themselves.

I just realized that this really isn't a fabulous beginning to a new blog, but more so a list of ramblings. I was never really good at fantastic first impressions.

Let the rambling continue:

Lately, I've been questioning everything. Weird situations.
That was incredibly vague.
Maybe later I'll clarify.

F@ith.